moving.

Pottery barn is ours. Or will be in one month. If everything goes as planned.

But that's not the whole story. Our first offer went to house #1 - the model. And they came back excited. Preparing a counter offer. And every indication was that it was going to go through. But they wanted to keep it on the market - meaning that someone else could come in, make an offer, and we would loose the house and be homeless. We tried to get them to take it off the market....the mother of the house was okay with that. And then, just before signing, the father said forget it. And basically said he didn't want our offer at all. What?

Yeah.

So I said forget it. We walked away. Away from beauty. And turned to practicality. Turned to the barn.

Our offer was countered, and then we countered theirs. Last night as we were signing our counter, another offer came in for the barn. And it was slightly higher than ours.

It should have turned into a bidding war. Or at least gone to the higher offer. But no! They accepted our offer. Strange. But they felt it should go to us.

And I'm thankful for being hit over the head with what is right. So even if everyone will see our kitchen upon entering the barn, it doesn't matter. Because it's right. And we won't have to paint. Or remove cat smell. And Ellis won't have to sleep in the office. The window wells will be covered. Clin will get his, oh so important, RV parking. I get a mud room. Millie gets swings.

And you? You get a guest room. I can't promise a bed. Just the room.

falling behind.

damn you joneses. that's right. i swear in your direction.

i will never catch up. i wasn't meant to. i guess.

but you continue to pressure me. with your rich cabinets. separating the tubs from the showers. fancy floors.

knowing what i could have. but don't. kills.

it feels so final. i don't want to move. ever again. and so i should get something that i love. right?

that is the greedy, self-serving, copycat speaking.

i don't want what everyone else has. but i do. really.

and i want to know that in 20 years it will sale.

i'm sick inside. and all i want is to sit. eat junk food. sleep.

millie keeps getting into the marshmallows. and cookies. and i let her. i hear it. and do nothing.

that is what moving does to you. puts you in over your head. and forces you to face your financial status. and social class.

the lowsy joneses taunt you. call to you. then they laugh and leave.

and i swear.

searching.

I've been through many, many houses in the past few days. We would like to close on a house the same day our house closes. Meaning, we want to move directly from our house to a new place. No stops in between. No hotels, no storage units, no tents, or sleeping in cars. Although a woman in our ward has already offered us her spare room. The sparest of the spare. Which is always tempting, as Anne has taught us so well.

So this is where we are at. Which would you choose?

------------------------

House #1: The Model Home

On the higher end of our budget. Really big. Unfinished basement. 3 bed and 2 bath on main floor. Living space has a room for the piano and a separate family room with fireplace. The master bath is a bedroom in and of itself. Bathtub for the whole family type thing. There is a bonus room above the garage with a built in girl's cottage type play area. Fully fenced yard. No house directly behind it, but a huge soccer field with walking trails and a large play area on the other side of the field. So a nice view.

We call it the model because it was a model house in its day. So there are upgrades that we would never be able to afford, or know how to choose based on our own cheap-o tastes.

The house also sports the smell of cat, is a bit unclean, needs some touch-up paint (particularly in the play area bonus room), some carpet cleaning, window well covers are missing, and a bonus pile of cigarette butts sit on the grass outside the patio in the back. But there is no smoke smell inside the house.

-------------------

House #2: Pottery Barn

This picture does not do the outside justice. It is very pretty to look at. I promise. This house is impeccably clean. Has a finished basement for a total of 5 bedrooms and a family room. The main living space is a great room, with living space, dining room and kitchen all open to the front door. The laundry room is off of the garage and is large enough to also be a mud room. Storage space in basement. All new carpet. Fully fenced. RV pad. Large cement patio in back that is covered. Window well covers are already in place.

We call it the pottery barn house because the paint and carpet colors transport us to the store. The kitchen is not the prettiest and a cat also lives here. Although the house doesn't smell of it.

------------------------

Which would you choose?

homeless.

Really. Or at least in a month. Because it sold.

What should have taken 5 - no - 6 months, actually took 2.5 weeks.

Now what?

I need more boxes.

And a house.

letting it go.

So I'll stop talking about Disney now. I promise. As soon as I share the following.

The TV in our hotel room played different televised Walt Disney shows (kind of like Wonderful World of Disney - maybe they were) from the 50's and 60's. I couldn't stop watching. And soon realized that they were rotating the same episodes over and over. But they were fascinating.

I was spellbound by the following due to the dancing candles. They don't come on until later in this clip, but how did those candles not fall off of the cake? And how (how?) did they bend over without falling? I would think they would be top heavy:




And this looks like a fun ride. Especially for older men attempting to simultaneously smoke a cigar and use a camera. It's a short clip. And worth watching to the end. I laugh every time I see it!

planning retirement.

When I retire, I request that Clin play the sentinel who led the princess meal. Singer, welcomer, and schmaltzy, schmaltzy songs. Perfect for Clin!

And I want to portray all the creepy mean characters. Cruella De Ville. Malificent. The only evil character that I saw was Cruella. And she got to be mean to everyone who came her way. I could handle that.

turning 4.

Last Friday Millie turned 4. It's been four years since my body changed. Four years since I've been alone. truly alone. because even when physically alone, there is always a little one lurking in my thoughts. and the feeling that someone is there. Just behind me.

asking for snacks. clinging to my leg. stubbing a toe. using my shirt as Kleenex. chastising me for pouring milk instead of water. reminding me to pray. and getting the ketchup. and mustard. wet wiping Ellis's hands. singing Annie; and Wicked; and Shrek; and princess everything. screaming her hate towards me. giving hugs full of apologies. conquering her bowels. and pronouncing success to the world. full of spite towards socks. and shoes. wanting to only wear skirts, pajamas, or anything sparkly. refusing to nap. refusing to bathe. pouncing on me. personalizing my morning alarm clock. walking in while I use the toilet. dancing in the kitchen. with serious looks on her face. laughing. crying. tantruming. not wanting me to watch. yet requiring complete attention when I don't.

And she is perfect. I would never want an unemotional child. or one who didn't throw her entire being into every thought and action. I don't care if she doesn't want her hair done. and she can brush it. and she can jump on her bed. and on the couch. because those things don't matter. Neither does the fact that she is sensitive and emotional. That's what makes her different. and funny. and fun.

and it's just her. and some of that comes from me. and some from Clin. and I find joy in knowing that she has a strong personality. Nothing else matters. because that's the best part.

writing a boring list of fun rides.

I'm not a space mountain kind of gal. I said it. I know. I'm uncool. And old. And you now find me boring.

I'm more of a Fantasylander. I would move there. Live there. It's cozy. Safe. And the character of it = FUN.

Alice and Wonderland

Mr. Toads' Wild Ride (Remember hell and the room getting hot? Come on crazy!)

Teacups (I can't go on this one without sickness. but the girls giggled and guffawed),

Peter Pan,

Pinocchio,

Snow White (Kyle - remember in 2003 when you, Clin, and I stuffed ourselves into this one? I just remember you clutching your backpack in embarrassment. Asking why we were wasting our time. For me. And you did it for me! I will admit that it is much more enjoyable with kids on board.)

And the girls favorite? Dumbo. I totally see why.


My favorite? Storybook Canal. Okay I liked Indiana and Splash Mountain as well. (And Winne the Pooh and Big Thunder Mountain, and the Nemo "worth the wait" ride, and Monsters' Inc, and Toy Story 4-D, and Soarin', and etc., etc.)

And It's a Small World rocks. The girls found it so hypnotic that I might suggest that the Land is pipping drugs into the ride. If it weren't illegal. And I liked the additions of the Disney characters (Cinderella, Alice, Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Mulan, Ariel, Jasmine.) It's fun trying to find them all.

Millie and Ellis LOVED driving cars on Autopia. And I enjoyed the crazy ride. Mostly due to their giggles.

And the Roger Rabbit ride is f-u-n. Even more charming with the time spent stuck in the room where Roger gets electrocuted. Quite the intimate moment of joy.

Biggest dissappointment? That the treehouse is now Tarzan's and not Swiss Family Robinson's. Remember the cool things the family created to make their life easier? Like the wheel with cups that caught water and brought it up to the the top of the house? I miss that.

complaining.

So this is what Disneyland taught me....I can't find the motivation, or inspiration, to write a blog post that I like unless I'm complaining, angry, sad, depressed, or whatever else comes with groveling life.

Disneyland was not sad, or depressing, or groveling. I wasn't angry (okay, maybe once or twice) and walking around with Disney music piped into outside speakers? Who couldn't be happy hearing Give a Little Whistle as the background music to life. In fact, I'm thinking about installing personal speakers that will allow me background music where ever I go. Because that would rock.

The worst thing that happened was the weather. It was great. But not what I expected. Because Clin was in charge of checking the weather and I was in charge of reminding him. And neither got done. So I packed shorts and skirts for the girls. And they each only had 1 pair of pants and 1 long sleeve hoody. And that is what they got to wear the entire time we were there.


That was fun, because we then got to relive the smells and stains of day one throughout the entire week.

Remember the purple yo-gos you had on the plane? ME TOO!

Remember when that diaper became overly wet? HOW COULD WE FORGET?

And I would like to give a shout out to whoever is in charge of Disney bathrooms. You should get a pay raise. Or how about one of those AIG bonuses? Because you are doing your job. They were cleaner than clean. Seriously.

Ellis, you want to lick the toilet seat? Have at it! no worries here. Oh, look. Millie is throwing a tantrum on the stall floor. How adorable. Go ahead and roll around a few minutes more. Might as well take advantage while we are here.

And we did.

back in the homeland.

22 years. That is how long it has been. Ah, Disneyland. You are fun.

I'm overwhelmed and a bit out of sorts in regards to a post. There is so much to tell, and yet I have no desire to turn my happy memories into tons of details. And a chronological report feels like so much work. So for detail of the adventure - check out Clin's blog.

And I'm just going to randomly write, based on my inner whim. Because that's how Disney plays.

The past 5 months of extracurricular activity in the drama department probably had a large hand in our decision to skip town and celebrate Millie's 4th birthday Disney style.

I imagined the worst. Long lines. Hot, hot, heat. Toddlers refusing strollers. Bankruptcy. And really long lines.

But it was great. Really great. As in 4 and 1 year olds LOVE the Disney. So does momma. And it was so much easier than anticipated. I suppose anything would be easier than spring break one year ago. (Remember? Three words: one-armed diaper changes, constipated 2 year olds, and reinactments of the Psycho shower scene.)

Of course it could also be explained that the last time I journeyed to Disneyland I incurred a bladder infection that caused my mother to think her 10 year old was starting her period (what?) and wet myself on the People Movers, by which my older sis, Judy, had to blame it on youngest sibling, Nathan, (thanks Nate!) who really wasn't that young and didn't leave the ride with wet shorts as evidence against him.

The People Movers are no more.

And perhaps that is why it all worked out better than imagined.

Or maybe it was living off pop-tarts for the week. And the fact that my period decided to wait until we returned before knocking me into bed and holding me hostage.

Yeah Disney!

sobbing nostalgic: friends.

Come on! Be my Elton, Gladys, or Stevie and sing along. You know you want to. And feel free to cry a little.

I'll be back with a real post soon. I promise. Thanks for sharing in the memories. That's what friends are for!

sobbing nostalgic: eclipse.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit. But as a freshman in college, I took a Jazz Dance class. And for our final we had to choreograph a song.

This is the song that I chose.

And I choregraphed it in my tiny dorm room. Where no one could see. And I cried. Puddles.

My dance involved turning. A lot. And I felt good. Inspired.

Almost enough to actually dance my emotion in front of the entire class.

But my dignity overcame the emotion and I quietly hid in the back, hoping time would run out. Which it did. And I only had to submit the written version of the dance.

And I am fortunate that it is lost. Forever.

*P.S. this video rocks!

sobbing nostalgic: rhapsody.

Sixth grade. My sisters gave me the sheet music for this. I had never heard it before. I thought it was kind of strange. But for the sake of sisterly approval, I took it to my piano lesson and asked my instructor to help me learn it.

I grew to LOVE this song. The more I played, the more the tears came. Especially the opening...before I see a little silhouette of a man.

My sisters must have laughed a lot, hearing a little sixth grader sing:

Mama, just killed a man.

Okay, not so funny now. In a post-Columbine world. But back in my innocence, I never payed attention to the actual words. Only my tears.

And now I just really want this song on Guitar Hero. You agree, right? Guitar Hero with all Queen songs....awesome.

sobbing nostalgic: eyes.

This is one that Clin's students did not know. How can Debbie Gibson be forgotten so easily? Her songs don't stand the test of time? They do. In my heart.

sobbing nostalgic: waiting.

Everyone knew this puppy on the piano. It was almost like Heart & Soul. And while I loved watching the tears fall while I listened, I grew tired of turning over my piano to listen to others play.

sobbing nostalgic: love.

This one's not a shocker. You cried too. I know it. And I'm still crying.

4th grade talent show. I lipsynched to this. And I took my glasses off for the performance.



When asked why I performed without glasses, my response?

Without glasses I can't see people and won't get nervous.

The real reason?

I wanted to look pretty.

sobbing nostalgic: yesterday.

I memorized every word. And would write them down during moments of extra sentimentality. Usually in class. Thinking about a boy.

sobbing nostalgic: sorry.

This is a good one. Sobbing to this one while playing it on the piano. Nothing more cathartic.

And on a couple of occasions, when I was truly mean to friends, I recorded my version on casette. Left it in a tape player on their doorstep. Rang the doorbell and ran. Did it work? I'm still talking to one of the 2 recipients. So 50%. Not bad.

sobbing nostalgic: air.

My favorite moment to hear this song? When getting ready for a dance. or a date. on the radio. looking in the mirror. perfection.

sobbing nostalgic.

Clin is working on Back To The 80's...The Totally Awesome Musical!

We keep talking about our favorite songs from the era. Many of which his students have never heard. And those students are excited for their parents to see the musical because their parents are children of the 80's. What? Can the children of the 80's already be the parents of teens?

Of course they can. But it doesn't seem that long ago.

So in my current state...

(what state is that, you ask? Oh the state of PMS. Never been there? You should visit because you are totally missing out.)

...I keep remembering and hearing songs that used to make me cry. (Ok. They still make me cry. Whatever.) And there were 2 favorite places for sobbing to songs:

1. In front of the mirror


2. In the living room of my parents' house, looking out the window into the park that bordered our backyard. And it had to be dark, and often raining, in order to see my reflection.

So I thought that the rest of this week could be dedicated to songs, rocking songs, that inspired tears and sobs.

Enjoy!

photo via ♥ Jaye

done.

saying goodbye to...

my favorite part. ever. or at least this year. i love u matilda. thanks for the fun.

new friends. and lots of talent.

the flash of my camera. and the realization that i can no longer take pics of everyone at the cast party.

so here's to some more (thank you Facebook - where were you when i was in high school? - and Hilary for posting) who didn't make my pre-drop memory card.

both casts.

and to fun.

baking soda clean.

Today I took all of this:

out of this:

That alone would make you want to buy my house. No?

mortimer ichabod marker.

I forgot. Completely forgot. And was nicely surprised to stumble upon this. The theme song alone gave me a happy rush.