calm and bright. part 2.

while still sick. and tired. oh so very tired. my night of misery evolved into a morning of joy.

I finally returned to bed sometime between 5:30 and 6:00 AM - this was after having been awake since 3, and could not stop the tears, or calm down to sleep. So I layed in bed, eyes leaking.

Clin woke around 6, and proceeded to lecture me on healthy behavior.... kind of ironic. I know. But in the early morning fatigue we both decided sleep was not an option and went downstairs to watch this - which we've had from Netflix since October 15th. What better time to conquer. Thinking it would force sleep upon me, I was wrong.

I enjoyed it.

And it calmed me down. And brightened my day. Because I wasn't so lonely. And it was the first time we've ever watched a movie at 6am.

I'm thinking we have a new Christmas Eve tradition!

finally posting something that I should not forget.

Today's post is a multi-media experience. Click play on this clip. And then read.



Early January, Clin's Music Dance Theatre (MDT) class performed an evening of songs, dances, and group numbers that they had been working on throughout the semester.

Each year one number is a choreographed for a small group by a Kori Wakamatzu (former dance teacher) - usually modern or jazz. It's often audition only for the dancers. Difficult, and beautiful. Inspirational on the verge of a tear of two. I wish I had a video. But alas. I've been trying to simplify for anxiety sake and photos/video are not so much on my important list.

This year, the song was Run Away with Me - from the Unauthorized Biography of Samantha Brown. Which you are listening to right now. Or you should be. And if you are not, scroll up. Click play. Then return to the story.

At one point, a boy lifts a girl up over his head in some crazy, unexplainable feat.

Millie loudly proclaimed:

Mom, when I'm older can I be a girl so a boy can hold me like that?

Me:

No.

inspired...

from Liz Lerman Dance Exchange at The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts' Millennium Stage.

a fan...

of this:



the ending. right? Nice.

and it reminds me of my brother Bryan. and his wife Melissa.

because i think they would like it.

seeing my shadow...

this dragged me out of hybernation; making me feel.

good.

so did the flowers on the kitchen table. surprising me with a card and a small gift of ituneage for my orange pod.

and then. your list. and i saw my shadow.

which means six more weeks. at least.

calm and opaque.

Damn you GRE. You have pushed me over the edge and into the edifice known as carbs. Laughing as I grovel and swell amidst the homemade rolls, chocolate dipped pretzels, and lemon squares that have become my sustenance.

Obsessing over numbers and words has turned into an obsession over sprinkles and yeast. And Clin says that I can't help myself now. Failing practice test over practice test three days before the exam is not going to improve my score.

But that would be giving up.

And Dear Amanda,

you delivered emollient to my soul in the form of John Denver, the Muppets, and a big jar 'o' fudge. Kermit provided a moment of peace. And I am now washing it down with a few chugs of chocolate directly from the mason jar.

funded...

Remember this? Well break out the eggnog and buy myself a Cafe Rio salad because I was awarded the funding.

And now I get to spend an entire semester gathering, organizing, and molding information into a course about aging and the arts.

or

as I prefer to call it

heaven.

les mizing part 2.

Goodbye high school musical 2009. And what fun. I get to bask in Clin's glory and credit without having to do a thing.

Except show up for the final product. Smile a lot. And sale tickets. And last night ticket sales were the thing.

People lining up at 5:30 pm for a 7:00 pm show?

Yeah.

And a line for tickets before the ticket tables were even in place.

We sold all 1315 seats last night. 4 cases of water. 2 dozen roses. and lots and lots of cookies.

The cast was hyper.

I missed my favorite line: Le Marque is dead.

But I did see the end. And the audience roared in gratitude.

And I say it's great to get to watch the students improve without having any real responsibility for it.

Which means that I just get to sit back and enjoy.

loving this.

Maybe, just maybe, if football was more like this I would enjoy it.



Thank you Glee.

beating...

There's very little that gets my heart excited. Moving.

Yes.

I am that immobile.

But every once in awhile something will come up and make me beat. Constantly. So much so that I obsess. Just a bit. To the point that I can't think of much else.

Remember in high school? When escaping the boredom of one more hour and drifting into that place where you imagine the boy you like calling. Or telling your friend something about you. And just the fact that your name passed his lips can give you ecstatic, skipping happies to fill the rest of the class.

Or

in church, when your thoughts created a new reality. Like passing out as you were walking in front of the congregation. And a heart flutter inducing boy takes charge and comes to your rescue. Either involving CPR or lifting you with bulging arms, veins, and back to secure safety.

I just don' t have much need for such day dreams anymore. And I'm okay with that. Because now I have reality, which is better.

But every once in awhile my heart will jump, and I will look forward to something. Nothing to do with boys. But here I am embarrassed to admit what it is. Because my skips stalled last night. And that's okay. Because that is reality.

photo via Gabriela Camerotti

loving...

everything about this movie.

really. thank you non-linear stories about non-linear love.

and this movie makes everything look beautiful. even L.A. so much so that for the first part i kept thinking it was set in NY. because that is the city of cool movie coolness and beauty.

but they transplanted NY happy into an LA state of beauty. and made the two leads my best friends. okay, not really. but they did make me like them. more than i should.

so much so, that i want bangs. and dresses. just like these.

listening and learning.

today.

i'm sitting down with a 2 year old.

and a 4 year old.

and I'm watching this.

because even though they aren't yet in school, they will be. and i believe that the message to work hard and never give up is good. positive.

and sometimes hearing it from someone other than mom and dad can inspire.

and my girls will probably wrestle through the entire thing. but maybe, just maybe, they will hear something about the importance of education, hard work, and personal responsibility.

and those are universal truths, important for all.

and i hope that they remember.


photo via mrsrichardson823

celebrating his 34th.

Happy birthday Clin-

For you I pledge to not be annoyed, or rather, not share such annoyances with you all day long. Because I'm selfless like that. Right? But feel free to be annoyed with me. Because I kind of deserve it right now. And you should tell me all about it too. That would make me feel better.

And yesterday, my gift was breaking my personal goal and eating:

popcorn,

bread, and

pound cake, strawberries, brownies, rice krispy treats, marshmallows, cheesecake and bananas all dipped in cookies and cream chocolate fondue.

It was good. But it hurt.

All for you.

Happy Birthday.

Thanks for being a year older with me. Really. I love it.

programming...

so you have probably seen this. and we all know the song. but i love it. and slow poke me just made the regina spektor connection.

but i would like to suggest that this is one major example why mtv should be playing videos.

and yes. i do watch mtv. sometimes. i mean, 16 and pregnant? come on. who could miss that?

writing a letter.

Dear insurance company,

I realize that you are trying to earn money. and save it at the same time. but i want to know why you can't just pay for laser surgery. on my eyes. it's expensive. for me too. but wouldn't you save a ton 'o' money in the long run if you didn't have to pay for my yearly exams? and glasses or contacts? and isn't health care supposed to be about making life better for the individual?

So if my eyes were healed. i would still pay you for the insurance. but i would go to the eye doctor less. and so that money i'm paying you? would stay with you. you wouldn't be at the mercy of some crazy doc who recommends crazy things.

like glasses.

nope.

you could just watch those green bills pile up in your large vaults. of bills.

sure, the docs would have less clients. but who cares about them. right? this is between you and me. and it sounds pretty win, win for us both.

think about it. let me know.

Jacks

listening...

This song puts me in a good place.

Thanks be.

in love.

i love Carol Channing. i do. absolutely. she is crazy. and amazing. fearless. and probably a diva. but i don't care. she is funny. and talented. she says what she is thinking and does whatever. and when i grow up, i hope i'm the same way.

and if you are one of those people that think i'm insane for being entertained by Carol, then i would bet that you have never seen her perform in person. and if you have, and you still think that.....well, then i would say that you have poor taste.

i saw her live, in a tour of Hello, Dolly, my senior year of high school. my thoughts were entranced. i was hypnotized. i couldn't fathom how someone that age, 74-ish at the time, could dance and sing, and act and be on stage for most of the 2 hours. but more than that? she made the show new. lines that i had memorized and said, and tired of, became funny in a new way. and i wasn't so sick of Dolly Levi anymore.

AND, she was better than Barbara.

i said it.

and i mean it.

and i'll never take it back.

her voice, her interactions, her insanely huge mouth, brought reality to the character. the small quirks, and craziness that everyone has in one way or another? you know, what makes us real? Carol just is Carol. and that is what made Dolly interesting.

why am i even talking about this? this week on Kathy Griffin My Life on the D List...

yes i love that show. it is crude sometimes. but it makes me laugh. and since i'm not crude. and can't be. can't i enjoy someone else with the freedom? I say yes.

...Kathy asked Carol to come and present her with a star on the Palm Beach walk of fame. she did this by handwriting a note and sticking it to Carol's front entry with a piece of gum.

Carol showed up! and presented the star. didn't know Kathy. didn't care about the gum. and was fun.ny.

i love her.

that's all.

photo via zemistor

getting to know....

the new house.

the intricacies of Ellis's bowels. and trying to force her to release them in the toilet. rather than on the carpet. or me.

life with a little less internet. a new habit enforced during the move. and enjoyed. so for the next few weeks, my internet time will be spent on work. and then, jobless, the time will return to the joys of me. and my selfish writings.

until then, feel free to explore some of my current happies:

*http://mormoninmanhattan.blogspot.com/ - a mormon girl on broadway. just cast as the understudy of Rose Alvaraz in the revival of Bye, Bye, Birdie. the life bohemian that the left side of my brain always wanted to live. for a time. but the right side would never allow.

*Paper Heart - i love Michael Cera. and Charlyne Yi? i don't know you. but i want to be just like you.

*This is awesome - i added her to my pandora station.

*pretty. addictive. and child friendly

house envy.

Lehi has awesome houses. Not mine. Or many of the new ones. But old, beautiful, my grandma could have lived there houses.

Every time we drive through the older neighborhoods, I stare. And try to catch the details. um, yeah. it's not very safe when I drive.

I've been meaning to post my favorites here. But kept putting it off. Worried that people would freak out if they saw me photo-ing their abode.

Today I threw caution in the trunk, and did a few drive-bys. In no way all of my favs, but you get the idea.

Did you see those front windows? I love them. And the garage? Take a closer look at the garage.

Yeah. Awesome.

Um, red door? Yes! And please note the ivy growing over the arched gate on the left. Hello romance. Don't you want to get married under that arch? In proximity of that red door? Me too.

---------------

And my dream house. My absolute favorite. Across from a park. Enclosed in a white picket fence. And FOR SALE!!! Where was that sign one month ago? Why am I moving out of Lehi?

Check out those trees dripping with leaves. And please note Anne. That's right. with an E. Can't you see her? Right there. In the yard. And Gilbert. On the other side of the fence. Eyes locked, the music builds as he opens the gate, rushes to her side and picks her up in his arms. They twirl in the breeze.

I swear I saw it. In my periphery. As I drove by.

Just look at that door. And that porch. Perfection.

*sigh*

sensing something new. and old.

Tonight I spent one hour at a senior piano recital. As in high school senior. Not citizen senior. and it was perfect. in many ways. I was by myself. in the back row. and able to dip into my own thoughts without interruption.

thank you classical music. a place I don't visit as often as I should. or used to. and i was reminded of how i used to feel. intimately knowing a song, fingers running without thought. only sense. touch. eyes closing. because to play in the dark is to feel the music. and to think the feelings. loosing worry. or functional thought. living through the sense.

cathartic experience that it was. i closed my eyes and was lost. like i used to. only not playing. listening. wishing i was playing. wanting lessons and feelings again. and calm. tears began running. and i blubbered on. grateful for peace. and music. a time out. and a release.

photo via Hryck