making a deal.

i know i said not a target my feet shall pass - but i got this for $20.00.

and that price threw me through the doors tied me down and wouldn't let me leave.

so merry christmas millie. i may be more excited about this than you.

you want one for this price?

Use these:

target $10/1

manufacturer $10/1

today.

Listening to the cashier and customer in front of me talk as I loaded the belt with sugar free candy and broccoli, I thought I heard the word marijuana. Not usually the word that pops up when checking out.

And then the two continued. Talking about how hard it is to quit. To stay off of it. And how so many states are legalizing it for medicinal purposes. This continued while my food was scanned and thrown into bags.

Okay. So the two bonded over an important topic to us all. But I couldn't stop staring and thinking how odd. 18 year old cashier and 40 year old mom. In Utah.

More important? They talked through my entire checkout time. Like I was part of the conversation, though I didn't utter a word. If I'm paying for groceries I at least want some attention. From someone. Isn't that part of the purchasing experience?

And then in the car, on the way to the library, I spotted a woman wearing a bonnet. In a normal residential neighborhood.

Just out for a stroll.

breaking for treats.

Oh, the glories of buying groceries with only one child in tow.

And to celebrate, I decided to spend a couple shiny quarters at the deli counter for a delicious beverage of my choosing.

On the way, we just happened to pass the pastry counter with a large plastic container practically throwing chocolate chip cookies into our mouths.

Why thank you! Yes, I will take one for my child. None for me. No, I'm saving space for the refreshing nectar that will soon be flowing from a red and
white cup.

Ready to behold my reflection in the dark liquid smiling at me through the plastic lid, anticipating the touch of red straw to lips, we approached the counter with one hopeful and one chocolate smile.

And as the attendant smiled in return and walked toward me we were interrupted. By an older woman. Smiling as well. And I thought:

Yes. She is looking forward to the solitude of shopping while sipping from a straw as well.

So I didn't mind the interruption. I could wait two more minutes for refreshment.

The woman proceeded to say to the attendant:

I would like to thank you for offering caffeine free drinks at the fountain.

And she walked away. She didn't even wait for a reply. And perhaps I should have taken it as a hint. That I too should walk away. But I didn't. I handed over my coins. Even took the time to search for pennies and give exact change.

But I was going to enjoy my sweet, sweet trip down the aisle. I mean what's better than a child with cookie and a woman with diet joy? Nothing, I argue.

And I wondered, what timing? And if this ever happens to people in other states? I mean, what are the odds?

photo via williamhartz

thinking...

...that i shouldn't have given clin's student the receipt from IKEA for the purchase of 18 chairs to be used at the high school. because here it is 11:48 pm and i'm just learning that said student did not give said receipt to said husband.

...that IKEA is very family friendly, thank you for watching my girls so that i could purchase 18 chairs. but not very teacher friendly. because they will not take school checks. or tax exempt forms without the actual teacher and the actual teacher i.d. all on the premises. at the same time.

...that i didn't get enough time to think of vaccinating my girls for H1N1 and did it in a rash decision. i hope said decision was right.

...that i'm tired of leaving my daughters home. without me. two weekends in a row. did i just say that? let it be known that i did. and i meant it.

...that shakespeare can be very boring. very, very, boring.

...and that i think morrie was much more interesting than the book. or the author. (oh, come on, he totally made that book about himself. admit it.) and i hope the play makes up for it. but i doubt that it will.

scammed.

I'd like to say that Martha made me do it. And she did. Kind of. Or at least one of the magazines in her empire did.

The recipe calls for heirloom tomatoes. And there they were. All orange, and imperfect. And the word heirloom kind of draws you in. Doesn't it?

Assuming they couldn't be much more than all the other tomatoes in the aisle, I picked a large one. Thinking that I could save money by only getting one and throwing regular, old, reddies in with the beaut.

So I didn't pay attention at checkout, because the hoodlums were climbing on top of the car grocery cart, throwing flip flops at customers, screaming, and pulling at anything they could get their hands on.

And now. As I look at the receipt. Martha can be blamed. For the college educations, retirement, and fortunes that fade from our future.

desperate.

I must have looked frazzled. And I will admit that Millie looked like she had been rolling around in a dust bin.

Thinking it would be a nice family outing to the store. You know, the one where the girls each get their own mini grocery cart, and each parent guides one to different items. Divide, conquer, in, and out.

Once in the 15 items or less lane, I remember the deli meat that I had a coupon for. Which was supposed to be free. And thinking this was worth it, I left Clin, the carts, the girls, and the food for meat.

I return as Millie attempts to shower the conveyor belt with candy, Ellis clambers for daddy, and then Millie's showering erupts into screams. I take the girls and wait for Clin to pay.

That is when all conquering came to an abrupt stop. The cashier laughs at my coupons, saying I can't use a buy one get one free, when they are already buy one get one free. So then I say I don't want the meat.

And the girls are pushing their carts full of bags in circles, bumping customers. And Ellis laughs. And Millie cries.

Upon closer look at the bags, someone purchased lime flavored mayonnaise and jalapenos. Neither on the shopping list. Clin is the first to claim innocence. But he was the one with the wallet. And as he returns the items...

The woman who was behind us in line approaches:

Woman: Are you okay?

Me: (now thinking that I must look really angry, or frazzled, or desperate, or like a dust bin) oh, yes. fine. we just brought the girls shopping too late in the day.

Woman: Oh, we are doing the same.

Although I don't see any children with her.

Woman: I wanted to tell you that there is a co-op, where you can go to get food once a month. And it is half off.

And she gave me the website.

I didn't say a word. Only to think that if I nod long enough she will go away. Because I'm sure we wouldn't qualify for a co-op. Nor do we need one.

But our daughters did look harried. It was 7:00 PM, and dinner had not yet been served.

As I usher the girls out to put away the carts, the woman returns.

Woman: I was also thinking...we have a peach orchard. Not large, but I don't sell them and we never eat them all. You could come and take them for free. Do you can?

Me: Uh, sometimes.

Although not really. I didn't truly lie because once I canned peaches with Clin's Mom. But it was only once. And not by myself.

Now I was just trying to nod and answer questions as quickly as would allow this situation to pass.

Woman: Well, where do you live? Can I contact you? I just live behind this store.

So I wrote down her name and number. Clin returned, the crying returned, and we were on our way.

I wish that I could have said, we are fine. really. our cupboards are full. and you are generous. i am just a cheap woman who really likes a deal. and attempts to use coupons when I'm told they work.

But what do you say to someone who is trying to help?

I am beyond.

Embarrassed.

Still.

shopping last Friday.

I don't get it. Are the deals really that great?

I check out the advertisements. But I have never opened one up and said: Yes! That is exactly what I'm looking for.

I usually see things and think, oh Clin might like that. Ellis would love this. But they are usually not on my list. And come on, do I really need to add more to those lists?

I have never seen one advertisement that has motivated me to get up at 4 AM and park myself in a line.

I've always wanted to go. Just to see what the fuss is about. But something would have to be practically free to pull me in.

I did mosey on over to Wal-Mart last Friday around 10:00. Because I was alone. Because I could. It wasn't crazy. A bit busy. But I wasn't pushing a cart. The only difference from a usual visit to the Mart? I couldn't stop searching. Searching for a deal. It's the day after Thanksgiving. The prices are supposed to be rock bottom. Where is my amazing find? And the more I searched, the less I found. I wasn't searching for a doorbuster, just something that said to me:

I am cheap. You must purchase me because you will never be able to find me at this price again.

Nothing. Everyone else was loading up on toys. But the prices didn't seem that different from every other day. And I felt bad. Like I was missing out. Like I needed to buy something NOW. So I left the store with some blocks - because they seemed to say:

I'm the last available doorbuster. Buy me now or you will miss your chance.

So I bought them. And stood in the 20 items or less line waiting for the woman in front of me who was trying to price match Connect 4 and Trouble to an ad she thought said $6.00 but couldn't remember the store. And she asked the cashier, multiple times, to check different ads for her. What???? Is that really the cashier's responsibility? To find us better deals?

I left with my lousy bag of blocks and a hollow feeling inside because I still didn't know if I truly found a good deal.

full of fruit.

I bought 4 grapefruits for $0.50. No joke.

I will eat anything for that price.

My new favorite store? Sunflower Farmers Market. And I also purchased some kiwi (4 for $1.00), onions, cabbage, granola in bulk (what???), almonds in bulk, and dried cranberries (Yeah - you heard me).

One week I got 5 kiwis for a dollar, 2 red bell peppers for $1.00, and a pineapple for $1.00.

Serious. And they give samples. Like blackberry applesauce. Happy girls = happy mom.

photo via Darwin Bell

stocking up.

Case lot sale! Tis the season. And this is my pile 'o' cases.

~Macaroni & Cheese

~Black Beans

~Cream of Chicken Soup

~Beef Broth

~Chicken Broth

~Vegetable Broth

~Tomato Soup

~Spaghettios

And just to be awesome - Albertsons kicked in free apple juice.

In a reassessment of my run on cases, I completely overdid it on the broth. So perhaps I will turn this into one of those food blogs. You know. Where I dedicate the next year to cooking everything with broth? Admit it. You would be the first to purchase advertising space. Wouldn't you.

shopping.

Picture Wal-Mart. Any Wal-Mart. That's right, mine looks just like yours.

We have just crossed the entrance, and I can see the lettuce. Produce is our destination.

Millie: Ow, my bum hurts.

Me: Okay - let's go to the bathroom.

And I'm thinking, YES! No groceries in the cart yet. This will be fast, easy and very do-able. Park the cart and let Millie work her magic.

Mille: I don't want to go to the bathroom.

Crying, nashing of teeth, anger.

Me: (In my "I'm an awesomely patient Mother who knows how to negotiate with her three year old" voice.) I know that you need to go. We will stand and wait to shop until you go.

No movement.

Patrons enter. Patrons exit.

Still no movement.

Me: Okay, let's shop. No more chances to go to the bathroom.

Almost to produce - still nothing in cart.

Millie: (In her, "I'm a loud, demanding 3 year old" voice.) My bum hurts.

Me: (In my, "I hope every knows why she just said bum and hurt in the same sentence" voice.)Then you have to go potty.

Millie: I don't have to go potty.

Still nothing in the cart. I'm thinking, no problem. I'm thinking that we can patiently return to the center of the store and try again, hoping that no one recognizes me from the first trip.

This time, new strategy. We will all go into the stall. Me, Millie, and my 16 month old who still refuses to walk. Only one stall is open and it happens to be the largest. No problem. So do-able.

Millie, seeing the stall, throws herself to the floor in a highly dramatic fit - I catch her as I smile to the women washing their hands (why are there so many people in the bathroom this morning?) because I'm a happy mom, thankful for my children, and I am also not abusive in any way. That's right, my screaming child is the product of an amazing parent - and my smile proves it.

Enter the stall. Screams. Crying. Nashing of teeth. SCREAMS.

Millie: I don't want to go.

Me: If you don't go potty then we have to go home. I can't shop if you are in pain.

Millie: I don't have to go. I want to shop.

Me: Go, or I'll take you home.

Millie: No. (Scream, scream, scream, scream, scream.)

Me: (In my, "I will force you to comprehend as if you are twenty years older" voice.) Do not scream in the store.

Scream, scream, scream, scream, scre-

I grab the screaming screamer and we walk out. Empty cart a faint memory.

And as we walk the same half length of the store -

Millie: (In her, "EVERYONE, it's the end of the world" voice.) My bum hurts. I don't want to go home. My bum hurts. I want to shop. I want to shop

.....all the way to the car.

photo via racineur

running.

I went to my first consignment sale. I imagined a vast array of items, all under a dollar, and everything something that I would need. At 8:55 I attempted to enter, but all there were told to wait the 5 minutes until the volunteers finished their shopping. 9:00 AM it opened. And we were off.

I was totally out of my league. Each person seemed to have a strategy. One couple split and went in opposite directions, as they quickly looked over everything. I could tell that I should get out of their way.

Another woman brought a stroller. For her baby, you would think. But no! She used it for multiple purposes: in the likeness of a shopping cart, as a barrier to create a larger circle of space, as well as a instrument of defense.

They had a strategy. But I had none.

Soon I was fretting. What if I didn't get anything good? What if I missed the best items?

That's when all decorum and good will departed. That's when my strategy turned mean. What strategy? I just appeared; out of nowhere, from somewhere deep and innate within.

I grabbed everything that I saw - even if I only thought I wanted it.

One woman had a brand new Beauty and the Beast Belle doll. And all I thought about was Millie and her princess fetish. I knew I had to have it and began stalking. I followed the woman everywhere, thinking, she'll put it down.

To no avail. I started scheming about taking the doll, tripping the woman, bumping into her, anything that could get me the doll.

In the end I left with some books, a couple of baby toys, magnetic wooden dress up doll, hair bows, and one jumper. My deals were okay. Some were particularly astounding.

But I left feeling a bit empty......for the doll that got away.

Photo via dbarronoss