Tuesday, December 15, 2009

my own club...

Um, so I don't have time right now to be in a book club. And I'm not supposed to be reading anything except my GRE book. But I cheated and read this:



and I liked it. A lot.

But you may not. Say, if you're my mom. Or my grandma. You won't like it.

Because this will not be the book club selection of choice in my Utah clubbing circles. (if I had them. circles. or clubs. I mean.)

So this post is my own personal book club. With myself.

The honesty was refreshing. I mean the honesty from a Mormon was refreshing. Mormon's are very honest people. I'm not saying that they aren't. But when it comes to personal thoughts and feelings, we're not all that open. or honest.

And the author, herself, admits openly lying to people as she shares her experiences. So she isn't completely honest either. But she admits things that most Mormons wouldn't. Like....um....well things that I wouldn't admit.

I mean I can't even admit questioning my personal faith without feeling guilty.

But reading her experiences was freeing in the sense that I have always been so anxious about doing things wrong. Upsetting people, authority figures, and God. Like in high school, being tardy to class was anxiety invoking for me. So I began to look at it in the opposite light, I acted like I didn't care about being tardy. I would slow down everything. Walking, socializing, putting things in my backpack. And then if I was tardy, so be it. But it took one extra anxiety producing thought out of my mix. And just doing that calmed me down.

I never doubted, only believed what I was told. Smoking was bad? I shouldn't hang out with other people who smoke. I lost some friends that way. Same for drinking. That was the black and white of my world.

And now I question. I don't believe some of what I used to believe. And I wish that it was okay to talk bout it. To address it. Without feeling judged.

I'm not there yet. But Elna is. And I enjoyed reading about it.

9 comments:

angee said...

Love this post. Love the honesty and openness. I, too, have questioned many of my beliefs the last couple of years, things I took for granted and never in my wildest dreams thought I would question. And through my own process of discovery, I have discovered what I truly do believe. But it's hard sometimes to talk about the process because I never thought I'd be in a position to question these things...

On another note... Do you want a Christmas card? 'cause I need your address if you do! Email me!

Jacks said...

Yes!!! I will email you. We are probably sending out valentine cards this year, but I need to get your address too!

Clin A. Eaton said...

Come hell or high water I WILL FINISH OUR NEWSLETTER. I'm up to April.

Sherry Carpet said...

for what it's worth, i'm with you, Jacks. awesome post honestly delivered.

i love elna too. have you watched her online?

Jacks said...

I have watched her online - very funny. Did you know her (or of her) when you lived in NY?

The Irishman said...

Honesty is difficult. Honesty with oneself is even more so. Especially with religion, or family. But what wisdom would we gain if the path was easy? We keep at it and become the best people we can. I will have to read this book. Thanks Jacks.

shoe8 said...

I thought I was the only one that has questioned anything lately! Refreshing to hear that it is okay!

Sherry Carpet said...

i didn't know of her then...i wonder why. i'm sure we were at the same dances together. :-)

Bryan said...

Crap, now I feel like the only person not questioning anything.

I'm excited to read this book. I heard a interview with her on Sound of Young America.