Saturday, July 10, 2010

in mourning...

for the life that was full of potential but never realized.

doesn't returning to your childhood haunts do that to you?

it makes me sad. every time. and i think of things. like how in first grade i visited Portland, and then wrote that i did not see shark meat, avocados, or policemen on horse in really great handwriting.

my mom and my sister said it was really great hand writing. for first grade.

and i think. at that time. what potential was seen? and was it realized?

not fully. i'm sure. or at all in the manner imagined.

kind of sad.

and now.

the time spent with my girls is coming to an end. and i'm sad.

for i had a vision of the potential of that time. and it wasn't fully realized.

and i also really want that family that all lives near one another. so i can abuse privileges by utilizing the safety of cousins and comfort of siblings to shield me from anxiety and fear.

i've never had that. reliable, automatic, adult friends through family to hang out with on a school night.

but then again, i don't like people. and would probably en anger some.

and then i would have to apologize.

5 comments:

AmyMak said...

Oh yes...I mourn potential wasted too. My mom used to read us Huck Finn on the long drive home from Utah and I can't b/c I get carsick and it makes me feel bad that I can't do it...that's sounds really dumb in writing:) I'm just back from vacation and always feel sad I live so far away from YOU guys!

Jacks said...

I'm always sad that I can't read out loud in the car too. Because I get carsick.

It was good to see you all. It's been too long. We wish everyone lived closer.

But you have acres of land, and amazing neighbors to keep you company. Right?

Clin A. Eaton said...

When we went to Portland on Friday, I also did not see shark meat, avocados and policemen on horseback. Some things never change.

AmyMak said...

I was SO mad I didn't get a picture of your cute family :( Are you guys back from your trip?

angee said...

I SO understand what you're saying about lost potential. I'm feeling it, too...