anxious and insecure.

Perhaps it is the eggnog that I had for breakfast. I should not drink eggnog for breakfast. That is what I've learned this morning.

But PhD studies is like a big fat mirror pushed really close to your face and you can see all of your pores, hair, and other exciting weaknesses.

One of which is my inability to accept that I make mistakes. I know that I do, but I cannot handle it when other people think that I've made a mistake. Particularly when it was unintentional. No - particularly when it really wasn't a mistake, but is an assumed mistake on the part of the recipient. And I hate being misunderstood, because that is when I get really, really anxious that something bad is going to happen and have trouble breathing and it doesn't go away.

You know - many of these misunderstandings happen via email, where I send out a message and get something highly unexpected in return...

In the past my solution has often been to declare a decrease in the little socialization that I have. You know, ban myself from people. The thought of which calms me, but it never works because people keep unbanning themselves from me.

So perhaps my solution needs to be more focused to email. However, I can't figure out how to actually ban myself from email without it hurting my grades, job, life. Insight anyone?

posting for posterity.

Two moments of recent happy:

In a brash move to fight the non-cooking phase we are in, I decided to make some cinnamon rolls for Sunday morning breakfast. And since I'm not the early morning type, I made the dough the evening before.....and then forgot. Sometime around midnight I discovered the dough overtaking the kitchen and decided I should get it rolled out before bed.

That is when Ellis awoke and happened upon my rolling bliss. And we worked together rolling dough, spreading butter, and sprinkling the sugar.

Then Millie awoke. And after a few tears of anger upon the post sprinkled discovery, she helped roll, cut, and throw the rolls into pans.

And who knew, but midnight baking is fun. And no one fought. Nor was there a rush to return to homework, or naps, or places. A new tradition is born.

Moment #2:

As told to us by Granny Lany -

Ellis and Millie eating lunch at the counter. Ellis burps loudly.

Millie says: That's the girl I'm going to marry!


There. Posted. Never to be forgotton.