Wednesday, January 5, 2011


ah, the week before school begins. so nice in that it creates anticipation that encourages buckets of anxiety. and this semester it just so coincides with the week of my feminine cycle that holds the greatest amount of angst and hallucinations. fun times for all!


i had an entire "to-do" list that has been flushed and replaced with absolute nothings. like sleeping in. kind of. after laying awake all night thinking about:
-lousy tuition and how i'm going to make it a reality minus debt.
-or contemplating the hazards of leaving a full recycling bin out on the curb for a week, because we never seem to put it out on the right week. and it overfloweth. and is causing me turn to hording. newspapers and milk jug stacks in all crevices!
-or looking at the past seven years in detailed lists and realizing that i don't feel that much ahead of where i was in 2003.
-future job prospects, in that by the time this degree ends i'll be just about 40 and will anyone really want to hire a non-nurse gerontologist with a PhD in nursing?

Probably not.

So then I roll over and wait for my nasal passage to drain to the other side. ready for the one second of double nostril breathing that will bring a momentary reprieve.

that is why I now blog. to do something other than review the files of anxiety that pile in this brain.

so this week has been filled with lazy interactions with Millie - as she is off track for 2.5 more weeks. we work on letters, sounds, reading, games, and whisk Ellis from Silverpups to treats of Icees and library visits. Then afternoons spent running around high school auditoriums while watching rehearsals for this.

and i've done the dishes. they get done. for now.

next week will be deadlines, spaghetti-waffle dinners, and expectations gallore.


Clin A. Eaton said...

Spaghetti and Waffle dinners? I think not. Why (and where) do you keep your lists from 2003? Are you going to be appearing on an episode of secret hoarders? Cause if so, I will DVR it.

Lola said...

i'm feeling that same "school is still out for one more week so I should be relaxed, but in one week everything starts again and i don't want it to start again and once it does everything goes into it's usual talespin of always being tired, eating crappy food on the go and doing a sub-par job at parenting" feeling. now i'm tired again. better go take a 2in the afternoon. because i can. at least for 3 more days.

Anna said...

You are awesome. Honestly. I will be smiling for days about that one second of nasal passage freedom. I also think you really have it together. Good luck with the new semester!