posting for posterity.

Two moments of recent happy:

In a brash move to fight the non-cooking phase we are in, I decided to make some cinnamon rolls for Sunday morning breakfast. And since I'm not the early morning type, I made the dough the evening before.....and then forgot. Sometime around midnight I discovered the dough overtaking the kitchen and decided I should get it rolled out before bed.

That is when Ellis awoke and happened upon my rolling bliss. And we worked together rolling dough, spreading butter, and sprinkling the sugar.

Then Millie awoke. And after a few tears of anger upon the post sprinkled discovery, she helped roll, cut, and throw the rolls into pans.

And who knew, but midnight baking is fun. And no one fought. Nor was there a rush to return to homework, or naps, or places. A new tradition is born.

Moment #2:

As told to us by Granny Lany -

Ellis and Millie eating lunch at the counter. Ellis burps loudly.

Millie says: That's the girl I'm going to marry!


There. Posted. Never to be forgotton.

schooled. Week 1.

Orientation began at 8:00 AM last Monday and ended at 4:00 PM Friday. And every hour was scheduled. I was home around 10 every night and left at 6:30 AM each morning.

How strange to see my children a total of 10 minutes awake. Or what seemed like 10 minutes.

What I learned in my first week attempt at PhD:

- I'm vulnerable.

and have very thin skin. One reason I wanted to stop auditions was the call back. Where you return and perform in front of your competition. last week was a callback. Not that I perceive my fellow students as competition. But it still had a callback feel. Particularly by the end of the week when I was very, very tired. I tend to think of this as my hallucination period.

Kind words can bring me to tears.

So can smiles. and familiar friends from the past.

I did nothing at my house last week. And if it weren't for some amazing parents, I don't know what we would have done. Not only was the house clean, dishes put away, family fed, but my daughters were schooled, homework completed, and lawn mowed without a finger lifted by me.

It was insane how kind and giving my parents were. And now that they are gone (refusing my cries for them to move in and take care of me until my vulnerable period ends)....I am on my own.

So I will continue to claim hallucinations until my skin thickens a bit. And I stop perceiving unfounded emotions from others. Or opinions of me.

Because I will just continue to tell my psyche: this is not middle school. this is not middle school. this is not middle school.

a big, fat, piece of cake.

Yes I am. And whenever I feel like dessert I want to eat more. And then it becomes this mad circle that spirals into a slow motion life of little motivation.

That's right, and top on my no-motivation list? Scrapbooking. Hair. Getting out of bed. Showers. Cleaning. Brushing my teeth. Cooking. Dishes.

And then my resentment increases at others for sitting while I have to move. Because. I. don't. want. to. move.

To fight this? I made lemon squares AND Halfway cookies yesterday. Today I plan on making the homemade oreos.

But I have a really good reason. Payment for the substitutes in primary. 36 instructors equals a lot of subs. And the few who actually say yes to subing are getting burnt out.

So my evolution into dessert will be shared, so that the majority of these feelings will not end up in my stomach. But on someone else's doorstep.

And then I will go back to bed.

pondering my stance on beards.

Except I really love the fact that my brother has a beard. And I hope he never goes without. It fits him. You know?

And my first thought in seeing a new picture of him on facebook with a trimmed out beard was:

I need to share this feeling of beard satisfaction with the world.

My uncle has always had a beard. And I like that too.

However, I'm really glad that Clin is without.

set straight.

Millie loves to try on clothes. On her terms.

They must sparkle.

And spin.

In an attempt to get her to branch out and try some jean shorts:

Me: Barbie! Come and try these one.

Millie: I'm not Barbie. I'm a rockstar.

A rockstar who refuses jean shorts.

looking for space in the freezer.

30 meals in 1 day.

Yes I did.

And i turned 9 of those into double for a grand total of 39.

That equals 10 meals per month. For the next 4 months. That's the plan.

Outside of that it's pb&j.

or cereal.

going to kindergarten.

So Tuesday was the day. Summer officially over. And in our anticipation we set out her clothes the night before. 7:30 am, who should peek into our room?

Millie. Fully dressed. And ready to go.

Me: When did you get dressed? Have you been up for awhile?

Millie: No. I slept in them.

I still haven't established when she and how she accomplished this, because at midnight she was still in the p.j.'s.

Of note on the first day of the kindergarten:

--push chairs in when the teacher calls you up.

--Don't throw bark.

--If you can't get on the swing by yourself then you are not old enough to swing.

And we have been practicing the hand motions required for requesting use of the bathroom. All day.

Millie and I plan on implementing these rules with Clin.