updating the bun.

and updating you.

we've created 2 buns. two.

Bun #1 caused whailing and knashing of teeth. which could only be remedied by a spray or two of hairspray under the guise of medicine.

Bun #2 caused sheer and utter joy of such that the eyes could not be pulled from the mirror. even when bribed.

but as soon as the toes touch the dance floor, our ballerina turns into an animal clinging to its kill. and i, the kill, look ridiculous as i try to convince her desire to the world.

so i run away. leaving as she stares out the window at me. weeping as if abandoned.

and i return to a dancing fiend. until i'm seen.

and then the shoes come off. and so does the smile.

programming...

so you have probably seen this. and we all know the song. but i love it. and slow poke me just made the regina spektor connection.

but i would like to suggest that this is one major example why mtv should be playing videos.

and yes. i do watch mtv. sometimes. i mean, 16 and pregnant? come on. who could miss that?

vaccuming...

and these are my thoughts:

i'm sorry if i was mean to you growing up. i know that sometimes i really was mean to people. but a lot of times i also just didn't talk to you. right? it wasn't because i didn't like you. it was because i assumed that you didn't like me. so i kept quiet. because then i wouldn't have to be judged anymore than i already knew you were judging me. now i realize that people who are quiet can also seem to be stuck up. or mean. or not to care. but i really did care. just couldn't show it. because then your rejection wouldn't hurt so much.

photo via z1784

writing a letter.

Dear insurance company,

I realize that you are trying to earn money. and save it at the same time. but i want to know why you can't just pay for laser surgery. on my eyes. it's expensive. for me too. but wouldn't you save a ton 'o' money in the long run if you didn't have to pay for my yearly exams? and glasses or contacts? and isn't health care supposed to be about making life better for the individual?

So if my eyes were healed. i would still pay you for the insurance. but i would go to the eye doctor less. and so that money i'm paying you? would stay with you. you wouldn't be at the mercy of some crazy doc who recommends crazy things.

like glasses.

nope.

you could just watch those green bills pile up in your large vaults. of bills.

sure, the docs would have less clients. but who cares about them. right? this is between you and me. and it sounds pretty win, win for us both.

think about it. let me know.

Jacks

writing on a Saturday night...but posting now.

except that my post just got deleted. and it was great. i mean really great. the type that plagiarists are made from.

but now gone. forever. inspired by this little jiffy of a movie. and i'm sad because you'll never understand how i felt coming home from it.

and neither will i. because my memory is exactly that long. no more.

ready for a scream.

I'm about to attempt this:

on the child who refuses comb and hair to touch.

I wouldn't walk into these depths....but a trial ballet course beckons.

We shall see if it is worth the fuss.

eating...

and cooking. a. lot.

we can't eat out as much. because my job went down by 1/2. and we moved. and i'm not eating the sugar. so meal plans and weekly shopping lists have become my norm.

i can't cook through an entire meal without some diet coke and a bit of npr. if i drank wine, i'm sure it would be a bottle a night. because there is joy in the slice and heat if i can sip my way through. if not, i'm miserable and tired.

millie and ellis don't seem to enjoy my home cooked meals, unless they consist of chicken nuggets and hot dogs. clin has been pretty positive. until monday. cumin chicken topped with a radish and watercress salad did not excite. either of us.

but then we ate. and learned that lemon juice completely takes the bite out of radishes. and avocados can make the most un-appetizing looking watercress taste divinely fresh. yeah for success.

so last night i had high hopes for gazpacho drizzled in olive oil. with a bit of rustic country bread on the side to hook the sugar-ites of the family.

i assumed that two weeks without sugar would turn me into a gazpacho loving fiend. new tastes to replace the old. you know?

it didn't work. an enemy to gazpacho will i forever be. i couldn't even finish the bowl. and allowed millie and ellis to follow suit.

thank goodness for leftover diet coke and a platter of cheese....and the scent of rustic breadiness.

sunk.

So remember this? Thanks to a neighbor, one YouTube video, and a few phone calls to Papa Eaton, Clin was able to fix a sprinkler valve.

I know! Handiness does run in the family. Just not much patience. To get to the needed result.

But we didn't have to hire. Nor do we have dead grass.

What we do have?

Sinkage.

So now, we need some dirt. A whole lot 'o' dirt. To stuff under the sidewalk. And build back up our flower bed.

Any recommended dirt shops?

listening...

This song puts me in a good place.

Thanks be.

in love.

i love Carol Channing. i do. absolutely. she is crazy. and amazing. fearless. and probably a diva. but i don't care. she is funny. and talented. she says what she is thinking and does whatever. and when i grow up, i hope i'm the same way.

and if you are one of those people that think i'm insane for being entertained by Carol, then i would bet that you have never seen her perform in person. and if you have, and you still think that.....well, then i would say that you have poor taste.

i saw her live, in a tour of Hello, Dolly, my senior year of high school. my thoughts were entranced. i was hypnotized. i couldn't fathom how someone that age, 74-ish at the time, could dance and sing, and act and be on stage for most of the 2 hours. but more than that? she made the show new. lines that i had memorized and said, and tired of, became funny in a new way. and i wasn't so sick of Dolly Levi anymore.

AND, she was better than Barbara.

i said it.

and i mean it.

and i'll never take it back.

her voice, her interactions, her insanely huge mouth, brought reality to the character. the small quirks, and craziness that everyone has in one way or another? you know, what makes us real? Carol just is Carol. and that is what made Dolly interesting.

why am i even talking about this? this week on Kathy Griffin My Life on the D List...

yes i love that show. it is crude sometimes. but it makes me laugh. and since i'm not crude. and can't be. can't i enjoy someone else with the freedom? I say yes.

...Kathy asked Carol to come and present her with a star on the Palm Beach walk of fame. she did this by handwriting a note and sticking it to Carol's front entry with a piece of gum.

Carol showed up! and presented the star. didn't know Kathy. didn't care about the gum. and was fun.ny.

i love her.

that's all.

photo via zemistor

off the drug...

One week. and 2.5 days. I've been off the sugar. None. I'm giving it one more to even out. and stop the cravings.

What drove me to such despair? Because quitting the sugar is despair. my happy is sugar. and goodness. and everything food good equals sugar.

On our recent drive to Portland, OR, I consumed 2 whole packages of sugar wafers. By myself. And I loved every second of it.

I'm also tired of my skin touching skin. I'm not talking about when a hand gently rests upon the other hand. Or when my elbow bends to scratch my back and the forearm and bicep are forced together. Oh, no. I'm talking about the skin that should not be constantly touching anything. Except clothing. And it bugs.

So I'm taking control. Trying to conquer. Because it is something I can control. And even if the joy is gone, at least I can find joy in being able to completely control something. Right?

photo via Cayusa

homeowner 101.

I should have listened to the clues.

Millie woke up screaming that the sprinklers were still on. I should have looked at the time.

Then Clin was sad and distraught because the paper was soaked. So he called for a new paper.

At about 9:20, when I finally was a bit more functional. Okay elephant. Yes, it took me 2+ hours to function this morn. I know it is wrong. and I'm not a fan. But I am having the cramps today. and that is where I place the blame.

I opened the front door to a new paper. In a plastic bag. And the sprinklers were STILL going. And then I heard dripping. As in, the sound that a drip makes when it lands in a pond. Or better yet, a lake.

And that lake was in our front window well. I turned the aim of the front bed sprinklers away from the window. Ran to the garage and turned off the sprinklers.

Millie: THEY'RE STILL ON!

I called Clin. No answer. (And, may I point out, he still has not called me back. Nice way to ignore a disaster.)

So I call the previous homeowners. Long story, but we're still in touch.

Female Previous Owner (FPO): Turn off valve in basement.

I turn it off.

Millie: THEY'RE STILL ON!!!!

Phone Call from FPO: Not basement. Front yard green box.

Run out. Now soaking wet, and still in pjs. Turn the switch. And they are off.

And as far as I can tell, the same bank of sprinklers were on for 3 hours and forty minutes.


Um, so now what. Two buckets, and seven trips to the back yard later, I was able to get the water down below the cement portion of the window. In doing so I whacked my head on the cement above the window. And cried. A lot. That is when Millie and Ellis fled to the solace of inside snacks. And a raid on the band-aids.



And now I wait. I can feel the bruises forming on my right thy and knee from leaning over the metal thingy. And I itch all over. Because I saw 2 black widows and numerous other things crawling around and I'm completely itchy. I sprayed everything I saw. but the black ones still walked away.



So Clin. If I die today. You now know why.

predisposed.

So the lack of writing of late can be blamed oo the scattered thoughts that are floating in the space between my ears.

And those thoughts are trying, really trying to come up with something creative, and amazing, that will elevate my online research course to a beacon of learning and growth. Such that will draw the masses into loving, living, and needing research. Like a drug. Only better. Pulling millions into an addiction, that will make such a course a necessity. Filling it each semester. Forcing a cap to be placed upon enrollment.

But really. Right now I just need some ideas. Like, perhaps, how to incorporate Facebook, or other Web 2.0 tools in a way that will not add extra work, and enhance what is being taught.

Any ideas?

Anyone?

photo via LordJumper

in pursuit of...

I had this evening to myself.

I could have been productive.

Updating and prepping my course for fall semester. Relearning math skillz for the GRE. or. better yet. writing a talk for Sunday.

Instead. I spent all evening creating the image you see above.

Thanks Cassandra for giving me something to do.

__________________________________________

While I'm here, let's have a bit of a story:

Sunday night we arrived home from visiting Oregon Grandparents.

Monday, around midnight, Clin walked into Millie's room to check on her.

She stood up on her bed and declared:

I want to go back to grandmas.

Then promptly layed back down and returned to sleep.


p.s. Millie was the stylist for the photo. She really did her hair like this. this morning.

incensed.

do you ever have those moments when you can see connections. what's happening around you. and those involved can't. quite.

perhaps it was the heat.

or dinner was late. and created at the last moment. with what was found.

mostly green olives.

but one refusal led to self exile. in a dark corner. of one's thoughts.

away from screams. of need.

some silent.

but felt.

by all.