reading you.

Do you ever read blogs and leave them feeling like an awful, horrible, person, mom?

If you answer no, then you are not human. And I think you're lying.

Really.

I do.

Because today I left each blog a worse person than the one who entered.

And I hope that I never do that. Let you leave feeling worse than you did when you started reading. I want you to say:

Thank goodness. At least I'm not her. I will always be one parenting step above. I've got my act together, and my rockin' mom skilz workin' it in comparison.

And I think that shall be my gift to the world. Maybe not the gift to my children. But to the world? Yes.

a theme.

Time to get on the blogging bandwagon. A lot of blogs incorporate recurring themes into the day of the week. Like Freebie Friday, or Thankful Thursday. Each week the reader knows what to expect. They return to the familiar. A sense of comfort. Like coming home.

In an effort to bring a bit of comfort to you, the reader, I'm jumping on the wagon. Bending to the weight from the pressure of my peers and incorporating themes. Not just one theme, but a week of themes. That's right.

This is what you have to look forward to this week:

--Moody Monday

--Toxic Tuesday

--What you See is What you Get Wednesday

--Therapy Thursday

--Favorite Friday

popular.

I don't like popular people. I just don't. It automatically takes them out of the running to be my friend. This is just the way I was born.

Do a lot of people like you? Then I can't. I will have to reserve my like for those who do not have tons of adoring fans.

...that is....unless...you already like me. Then I will like you. But only to the extent that you like me. And the second I sense I'm not liked? You are so off my like list. Unless I'm still on your like list.

This attitude keeps me in the clear. I don't ever have to fight for friends this way. I don't ever have to feel bad for not being popular this way. It's amazing how well it works. I can always be awesome, because I don't have to meet up with the demands of popularity. I've completely taken that component out of my life. It's not even a possibility, so I don't ever have to feel bad about having few friends - because the ones that I do have are qual.i.ty.

And I suspect that some of my friends are popular. I don't really have much proof. But I have my suspicions.

For example, one friend is very trendy. She has bangs, and blonde highlights and is one of the most fashionable people that I know. AND she wears makeup! And I just discovered that she goes dancing on Thursday nights. Yeah, I know. Shocking! I mean who actually goes out on a school/work night?

Another example? The other week, while I was reading the comments on a friends' blog, I became jealous. Absolutely, completely, back in high school, jealous. Why? Because not only were there people posting that I did not know, but they were declaring their undivided, eternal, dedication. Declaring immortal friendship. And, come on, even you've got to admit that is a really good hint that this person is completely popular.

But these are only suspicions. You know? And what amazing friends to keep their popularity from me. Rather than rubbing it in my face - they let me remain in a state of ignorant bliss and feel as if I'm just as important as their loving masses.

Plus - I get encouraging comments from one on my blog. And the other buys me circus peanuts. And then remembers to give them to me four months later. And then I eat the entire bag (except for 2) all in one day.

making friends.

I've never been great at making friends. I'm a bit awkward, cling to those I already know, and observe/listen before jumping in. But all of that is changing. I have found a place where I can make friends without leaving the comfort of my habits. Where, you ask?

The world of blogging. That's right. I have millions of friends. Automatic friends. They need me. They want me. And I don't even have to talk to them.

I can be inspired, cry, laugh, and feel like I am intimate with a group of people. I can read all about others and know that I am a part of what's going on.

The best part? I don't have to comment to feel like I have friends. People open up to me no matter whether or not I post. You want an unconditional friend? Read a blog.

I've taken it to such a level that last week, upon finding this post, I took the bread machine out of the pantry and made bread. For the first time since we lived in our Provo apartment 8 years ago! Yes. I made bread. And it tasted good. And I'm not the only one who ate it. The other 3 did too. And liked it.

See what the blogging world can do for you?

offensive.

I currently have no readers. This is a nice place to be. I am entering the wild world of blogging, hoping to find a way to escape the daily repetition of waking, eating, enforcing time out, and sleeping. The point? This blog is about me and for me. Selfish? I know!

If you are reading - Please don't be offended. I have post-poned this venture for two reasons:

1. I only write in my personal journal when I'm sad, menstruating, depressed, or all three. I've told spouse that upon my death he should burn all journals. If not - all happy memories will cease to exist upon their reading. And offense will occur. I fear that may happen here...although I hope to exercise a bit of tact and control.



2. I have lost friends; good, college roommate, forever friends type friends. One Christmas, as I helped plan a friends/roommate reunion, lost friend emailed the following to the entire group
   
   

   -Lost Friend: "My son has peanut allergy, and doesn't have enough impulse control yet to not eat peanut stuff if he sees it, so I hope you wouldn't mind not bringing things with nuts?"

   -Roommate #1: "Okay for me to bring [my sister]? She'll be coming down from Seattle that night, so she'll probably be late, but she really wants to see all the girls and babes."

   -Me: "Yeah! Of course [your sister] is invited. I don't think you even need to ask....that is, unless she is a peanut, or manufactured partially from, or in a plant that packages peanut products."

   -Lost Friend: "Just so you know, so you don't do this to someone else too...It's pretty insensitive and offensive to mom's of peanut allergic children to be made fun of for trying to protect their child from something that shows up at parties often, and yet kills them. Families of peanut allergic children need nothing except support and understanding from their friends and family in order to deal with their problem. If your inclination is to joke about this serious problem, it would be wise to first wait from a cue from the family that they're okay with it being a laughing matter."

So what happened? You're on edge, I've got you hooked. I cried, then I groveled, apologized, and said apology was accepted. I have not heard from Lost Friend since.

I have many, many other examples (future posts).

Grandparents - I know that you want to hear about the kids. Maybe. Sometimes. If I'm really depressed. Again, selfish. I know.

So do not be surprised when you are offended....or depressed after reading this blog. Just blame me, my selfishnes, and don't complain.