itchin'.

me. right now.

on the verge of something. I can't grasp. and the shaking won't stop.

perhaps it's tears. or 5 almost tears.

I've been searching the box junket. Resigning myself to free boxes, since movers will be taking our money. (Pay! for movers? AH!) But we have a piano. And it is probably best that it not be moved by me. or Clin. or anyone. but a professional.

Yesterday I followed a craigslist lead and showed up at the house just as someone was loading all boxes into her van. That's okay. They weren't that great. And we saw some sheep.

But I'll tell ya, freecycle? craigslist?- boxes go fast.

So I then attempted Wal-Mart this AM. Evidently you can take whatever boxes they set out. First come thing. So I got there at 5:55 AM. Testing it out. And as I walked to my box rendez-vous ....I didn't see any. (Verging tears #1) And I thought how crazy. to get up at 5:30 for nothing. I turned the corner and hit shopping cart pay dirt. One whole cart full of Malt-O-Meal boxes, all collapsed and ready for my trunk.

one employee said: I'd take those straight to your car, if I were you.

Warning heeded. And I ran to the parking lot. Suspecting everyone. Leary. Why else do you go to Wal-Mart at 6:00 AM?

Then, home, I offered to make Clin a nutritional breakfast. Because that's the wife I am. He refused and ate a healthy pop-tart. So I packed leftovers for his lunch and promptly dropped them on the floor. (Tears #2)

And it is now evident that he would prefer me in bed at such hours, so that his morning person can actually accomplish life without the extras brought about by my non-morning psyche.

Millie awoke, happily, to the commotion. And I tried to talk her back to bed. Why are you out of bed, mom? Why was I? Why? So the day began. Knowing that her morning euphoria would not last. (dam holding back tears #3)

9:00 AM - out to mow the shaggy carpet we lovingly call our lawn. And to let the girls bask in springtime bliss. 9:10 AM - lawnmower won't start and I can't remember where to spray the fluid to get it to start. So I spray the whole thing. 9:15 AM - (tears #4)

At least I can weed wack. Right? That is something I can do. On my own. My one ability of yard work empowerment. But the cord won't pull. It's stuck. I can't even get it out of the machine. (brimming #5) Forget empowerment. Forget self reliance. Forget knowing how to do anything.

I spray the dandelions.

Put Millie on her bike. You will ride your bike once a day. And you will like it!

Riding: I like it mom. Look! I like it.

10:15 AM. Time to shower. or cry.

photo via Ryner12