Monday, August 25, 2008


Picture Wal-Mart. Any Wal-Mart. That's right, mine looks just like yours.

We have just crossed the entrance, and I can see the lettuce. Produce is our destination.

Millie: Ow, my bum hurts.

Me: Okay - let's go to the bathroom.

And I'm thinking, YES! No groceries in the cart yet. This will be fast, easy and very do-able. Park the cart and let Millie work her magic.

Mille: I don't want to go to the bathroom.

Crying, nashing of teeth, anger.

Me: (In my "I'm an awesomely patient Mother who knows how to negotiate with her three year old" voice.) I know that you need to go. We will stand and wait to shop until you go.

No movement.

Patrons enter. Patrons exit.

Still no movement.

Me: Okay, let's shop. No more chances to go to the bathroom.

Almost to produce - still nothing in cart.

Millie: (In her, "I'm a loud, demanding 3 year old" voice.) My bum hurts.

Me: (In my, "I hope every knows why she just said bum and hurt in the same sentence" voice.)Then you have to go potty.

Millie: I don't have to go potty.

Still nothing in the cart. I'm thinking, no problem. I'm thinking that we can patiently return to the center of the store and try again, hoping that no one recognizes me from the first trip.

This time, new strategy. We will all go into the stall. Me, Millie, and my 16 month old who still refuses to walk. Only one stall is open and it happens to be the largest. No problem. So do-able.

Millie, seeing the stall, throws herself to the floor in a highly dramatic fit - I catch her as I smile to the women washing their hands (why are there so many people in the bathroom this morning?) because I'm a happy mom, thankful for my children, and I am also not abusive in any way. That's right, my screaming child is the product of an amazing parent - and my smile proves it.

Enter the stall. Screams. Crying. Nashing of teeth. SCREAMS.

Millie: I don't want to go.

Me: If you don't go potty then we have to go home. I can't shop if you are in pain.

Millie: I don't have to go. I want to shop.

Me: Go, or I'll take you home.

Millie: No. (Scream, scream, scream, scream, scream.)

Me: (In my, "I will force you to comprehend as if you are twenty years older" voice.) Do not scream in the store.

Scream, scream, scream, scream, scre-

I grab the screaming screamer and we walk out. Empty cart a faint memory.

And as we walk the same half length of the store -

Millie: (In her, "EVERYONE, it's the end of the world" voice.) My bum hurts. I don't want to go home. My bum hurts. I want to shop. I want to shop

.....all the way to the car.

photo via


alanaeaton said...

Oh Jackie, you have my sympathy. However, in a few years it all makes for great birthday stories for Millie.

Annaca said...

"This [poop] will pass." But really, I'm sorry you have such pooping troubles with little Millie. We went through this also with Sadie and we got through it, except for when she doesn't want to take a break from playing to go potty. This I've learned: Poopy undies go nicely in a grocery bag, inside the big garbage, outside. I don't know how Bizzy will fare. I'm too wussy to start potty training. Good luck.

Mary said...

If it makes you feel better my 3 yr old is the height of some 5 yr olds, so we get very strange looks when he loudly refuses to poop in the potty in public. He refuses to do it at home too but I'm told that will come. I like Annaca's "This poop will pass!"