Wednesday, April 22, 2009

turning 4.

Last Friday Millie turned 4. It's been four years since my body changed. Four years since I've been alone. truly alone. because even when physically alone, there is always a little one lurking in my thoughts. and the feeling that someone is there. Just behind me.

asking for snacks. clinging to my leg. stubbing a toe. using my shirt as Kleenex. chastising me for pouring milk instead of water. reminding me to pray. and getting the ketchup. and mustard. wet wiping Ellis's hands. singing Annie; and Wicked; and Shrek; and princess everything. screaming her hate towards me. giving hugs full of apologies. conquering her bowels. and pronouncing success to the world. full of spite towards socks. and shoes. wanting to only wear skirts, pajamas, or anything sparkly. refusing to nap. refusing to bathe. pouncing on me. personalizing my morning alarm clock. walking in while I use the toilet. dancing in the kitchen. with serious looks on her face. laughing. crying. tantruming. not wanting me to watch. yet requiring complete attention when I don't.

And she is perfect. I would never want an unemotional child. or one who didn't throw her entire being into every thought and action. I don't care if she doesn't want her hair done. and she can brush it. and she can jump on her bed. and on the couch. because those things don't matter. Neither does the fact that she is sensitive and emotional. That's what makes her different. and funny. and fun.

and it's just her. and some of that comes from me. and some from Clin. and I find joy in knowing that she has a strong personality. Nothing else matters. because that's the best part.


Liz said...

What a cutie pie! :D

Bradley Moss said...

That is totally sweet...what a great homage to your four-year old!!

Mary said...

That brought tears to my eyes. Partly out of a fellow-mother-aw shucks-feeling, and partly from laughter. Then a big sigh.

Anonymous said...

Okay, that was sweet! Perfectly perfect and so Millie! Love it!

kelly riding said...

loves to you and the millster! she IS perfect!