February 20, 1990.

I kept a journal off and on from age 7 (1984) through high school. In an attempt to reminisce...understand myself....okay to come to terms with the 31 year old me, the following is a randomly chosen entry.

2/20/1990 (Please remember I was 13.)

I miss Kirstin and Judy soooooo much!!! I really need them now to help me solve problems. I can't wait till Kirstin comes during spring break. I hope Judy comes back. Lately I've been crying a lot. (Like tonight.) There are many reasons why. I tell them to you!

#1 I got mad at Lucy* today. She wanted a bite of a sandwich and when I was handing it to her she dropped. I told her she had to throw it away, because she dropped it. She said it was mine, got all mad and made me throw it away! Jen got made cause I was mad at Lucy. After that something struck inside me, I guess I just blamed her for everything that had happened during the day. But I was mad at her for not waiting, and totally ignoring me this morning!!! She didn't even say goodbye!

#2 This morning getting off the bus I was the last one off no one waited for me. They just all went ahead with Clarice, Margareta, and them.

#3 I hate 5th lunch! I don't know anyone there! I go to Melissa's locker with Clarice, Britney, Alice, Melissa, and Debra. No one really paid attention to me! Then Melissa asked everyone not to leave without her, to wait. She sort of got mad because no one waited for her. I did, she totally ignored me. So I went by myself to lunch. I was embarrassed, lonely, and felt like crying.

#4 Piano. I now have to practice 2 hours a day. My last half hour today. I totally get stressed out!!!

I think I was stressed out all day.

#5 Clarice. She never says hi to me in the halls anymore. I think its because I never do. But I never do cause she never does. Last January, Margareta had a party. I wasn't invited. (I don't really mind.) Clarice had a party. I wasn't invited, practicly everyone else was. (I did mind.) Sometimes when Clarice talks about Margareta behind her back I feel like saying, Clarice, why do you talk about your friends that way? I don't think you should, or else you might end up like me with barely any friends. Then I'd walk off, so she couldn't answer. Just think about it.

(This is the longest I've ever writen, I guess I really was stressed out.)

Jen called after school wondering why I was mad at Lucy. I told her I wouldn't tell her because it was personal. Lucy called back later asking the same question. I told her I was mad because of the sandwich. I told Jen it wasn't the reason so now Lucy told Jen it was the reason. Jen probably thinks I lied. It was only part of the reason. I didn't lie!!!

To Lucy,
Lucy, I'm sorry! You know you're my best friend. Even though I know I'm not yours anymore. But I don't care what you think. No matter what I say or you say or anybody else says you'll always be my best friend.

Jack

(Best Friends At Heart.) (Meaning true Best Friends)

I (heart) Bobby! XOXOXO

*Names have been changed for kicks and giggles.