Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I'm through. through with feeling like I'm doing things right. IT comes in phases. But last week, as I asked a 14 year old to not open a bag of popcorn until outside (because we just vacuumed and cleaned up a mess 'o' corn), I assumed that her response, YES, meant that she understood.

Ten minutes later, when said bag went tumbling to the carpet, popcorn was everywhere. Reflexes kicked in and I began simultaneously cleaning and lecturing.

My Mouth: What are you doing? Do you remember promising not to open this?
Thoughts: This sounds an awful lot like my lectures to Millie.

Mouth: I've had it! I'm not your school teacher.
Thoughts: She doesn't hear me. I'm talking. But no one can hear.

Mouth: This isn't school. I'm not here to discipline.
Thoughts: Blah, blah, blah.

And poor girl had to ride home in my car. And didn't say a word to me. And I'm mean. And I'm old. And everything that I say is pretty lame.

Including this.


Bradley Moss said...

I feel your pain. I am old and cranky. And most of lecture-guilt involves a sweet three year old who looks up at me with big fearful eyes when she says "Mommy, I have a accident". I've got to get that under control! At church in my calling I'm "teaching" not lecturing...but in reality it's the same thing, isn't it?

AmyMak said...

You're doing things right. Gregor says we women carry all sorts of guilt he can't understand.
Those things that are the hardest for us, that we are trying so hard to master will become our strengths, right? Believe Ether.
You're a good mama, a good teacher. I can tell.

Jacks said...

Thanks Amy. Thanks Shawnda. I guess I've just been in a state this past week. And whenever the girls get into the phase of constant screaming/anger, it tends to make me question everything. Yeah!

Amy - I saw your Mama tonight at the play I'm in and she is looking good. She brought Mariel and Savannah and I think they had fun. So nice of them to come...